A SUICIDE NOTE OF AN ANONYMOUS WRITER
Fiction written by Syed Mustafa Ahmad My dear nears and dears, I hope you are doing good. But I am not doing good. Being unwell, I am writing this suicide note for every one, who has time to read. Well, it is a fact that life is a sweet gift from Allah. Serving one’s Creator is the best deed in the whole world. However, as Ghalib said that knowing truth and every kind of virtue, my heart does not incline towards these. Same is the case with me. More or less, I know that the nature of life is that it must be lived according to the wishes of Allah. But I am fed up with this drama. I need escape. For me, it is quite difficult to carry it on. I have reasons to end my life. And with a heavy heart, I will discuss some causes in the following lines. First is unemployment. I have no job to have the monetary security. As it is a fact that without money, it is quite difficult to carry on. From religion to society, everything depends on money. In this way, I have decided to quit. I am happy in doing this. I have no regret in doing this. Second is corruption. Having got distinctions in both tenth and 10+2 classes, I am not able to get a class fourth job. I want an orderly post. However, I think this is quite far from my reach. 92% in 10+2 means that I must get the class fourth job but due to corruption, I can never dream of it. Incompetent students or candidates over the meritorious candidates. So, in this atmosphere, I quit. Third is my hardworking parents. Well, it is a fact that every parent has to work hard in order to sustain their children as well as themselves. But it makes no sense when the hard work doesn’t have the near end. Grey colour of my father’s hair and the crooked fingers of my mother force me to quit. I know my death will hurt my parents a lot. But seeing them in this situation, is hurting me more than ending my life. If I cannot provide them happiness now, I think I can never provide them. I am not a pessimistic but being an optimistic in the present situation, is to live in a fool’s paradise. Fourth is Covid-19. I was working in a private school for a meagre salary. However, Covid-19 has acted as the last nail in the coffin of my gloomy life. Earning 4,000 rupees a month, meant a lot for me. I would purchase books, magazines, newspapers, etc., for further studies but all my dreams were shattered on the floor when I was awakened from the deep slumber of dreams by Covid-9. At the present, I am good for nothing. Fifth is religion. It teaches morality. But on the ground level, immorality rules. For me, religion is an opium. It has been created in order to fulfil wishes and interests of a dominant group, without bothering for other groups. I have seen religion as a source of misery. Even though I believe in God, but the never-ending miseries have forced me to opt for escapism. Sixth and last is sweet death. For me, death is a thing to be embraced tightly. I am uncomfortable at the present because I cannot bear separation from death. Death will enable me to bring a full stop to all those things that have been haunting me day in and day out. At the end the day, I again repeat that I have no hesitation in ending my life. I beg forgiveness from everyone who had been hurt by me in any way. I don’t owe anything to anyone. My body is a gift from Allah and I am going to Him. However, without obeying Him in letter and spirit. I am sorry, my nears and dears! Good bye! Note: This a fictitious story, written in response to the present situation in Jammu and Kashmir.
By: Syed Mustafa Ahmad
